UPS AND DOWNS

There was a time in my life when i experienced what its like to be successful,
it was as easy as breathing,getting to the top of whatever i undertook,
now,it seems the sun has turned its face away from me,
success has become a thing of the past,
and life has turned into a constant struggle for survival as i watch my age mates,
get to the top,easy as pie,
while i,i look after them longingly....knowing that i once tasted,the sweet taste of success.
but now no more.it seems:-(


Its taking a toll on me,sleepless nights,disturbed sleep whenever i do get a little sleep,
its horrible this feeling,i feel deserted and let down,by myself and by God,
the only recourse to me now,seems to be to get someone to help me along,
so that if things get worse like they always seem to do these days,
i will have someone to turn to,who will hopefully not let me down.
in the meantime a glass of something,something strong might help me forget my trouble for now.



 I wrote this at a really low moment in my life.Things are better now,success doesn't seem to be that far off and the sun has shone its face on me again.There is a God after all,and I think i also found that special someone as well,but as always with matters of the heart only time can tell.The point I'm trying to make is for you to trust in god and yourself and you can get through anything.Also everyone has their time and yours will come.


I remain yours truly,
Mwara.

self-reliance

  I call it the test of adulthood.The baptism of fire that separates the adults from the children.It happens when everything goes terribly wrong and it gets worse when your friends turn against you,your siblings forget that you came from the same womb and your parents,the one time you really need them,they let you down.That's when you realize that you are truly alone.You and God.
  At this point,you either look for the strength to carry on and emerge on the other side a stronger and wiser person,or you sink into the pit of despair,get depressed and compound your problems by making all the wrong choices.Hopefully however,you'll realize your mistake and still make it to the other side albeit via a longer and more troubled route having learnt your lesson.My point is,the one person you can completely rely on is yourself and when you can do this successfully then congratulations you are all grown-up.

REFLECTIONS

    Its the beginning of a new year and inevitably you have to sit back and contemplate your life so far,as you set about making your goals resolutions for the year.I was taken back to the year 2010 where nothing seemed to be working out not emotioally or financially,I was jobless and really struggling,I had just lost someone close to me and the relationship I was in was just bad in every sense of the word.So i looked for ways to escape my miserable existence which was mostly alcohol.
     One of the things I used to do to escape my miserable existence at home was to go hang out in my pals house.He had this laptop,a toshiba I think it was and at the time a laptop to me was like a range rover sport is now,something that is so far in the horizon that you dont even think of ever acquiring it,you just admire it from afar.So i'd go to his house and he would put on a movie for me...,movies were luxuries at the time,its like when you dont have something that you really want,when you get it you maximise it to the max.Anyway he'd put on a movie and i'd bum in his house the whole weekend.
    He also had this huge collection of fantastic music on his laptop that he'd gotten via lime wire,so i'd go with a cd and copy a bit of it but a cd only holds 17 songs so i didnt get much from him.Anyway he didnt last long in my life,he left my life as quickly as he walked into.And the only sign he left that he was in my life was the 34 songs i managed to get from him.But i always remember how much i envied him for his huge music collection,his laptop and his access to movies.
  Fast forward to 2012,I fimally have all  those things that I admired from afar,I know it doesnt seem like much i guess you have to lack something to appreciate it when you finally get it to  realise that a dream/wish has been finally been fulfilled.I should have had bigger wishes,who knows where i'd be now.
   I guess my biggest resolve this year is to dream bigger,believe more and embrace life especially the good times.